2019 called, where were you?

Let me start off by saying..

Hello, lovely! Its so nice to be back ;)

So, what happened?

Where did I go?

Why did I stopped blogging?

Well, let me give you a quick rundown.

Calgary, January 2019

Calgary, January 2019

Okay so where do I even begin? I’m just gonna be super transparent and raw and not sugar coat anything.

I lost interest. The blogging community (basically anyone who is considered a content creator) lost its appeal to me. Slowly people started to not read blogs and preferred video content. Which is totally fine, I had to accept change. But I didn’t know where to start. I would read posts or watch videos and ask myself: I wonder if what I’m reading/ watching is even real. Like is anyone ever genuine anymore? I was feeling drained from working 2 jobs and trying to balance my social life and still work on content that I actually forgot to live my life. Crazy enough, its so easy to do that.

And in that moment, I decided to do something I was so afraid to do.

Visit Philippines.

Tokyo International Airport, January 2019

Tokyo International Airport, January 2019

I’ve been putting off going home to the Philippines ever since I got here. Turns out it was the trip I needed to do. It was liberating and scary all at the same time. I have no explanation as to why this was something that scared the sh*t out of me. I just knew I needed to do this and maybe, just maybe it will wake up something inside me.

Manila, Philippines, January 2019

Manila, Philippines, January 2019

First agenda: eat at Jollibee. If you don’t know what Jollibee is, its basically the mecca of all Filipino Fast Food chains. I kid you not, I almost ordered everything that was on the menu! As soon as I landed I started trying to find all the reasons why I didn’t wan to be here. It was hot, I felt gross, traffic was insane. Literally I was knit picking every small detail. I had to just be like: listen Chanel, stop doing this. You’re here. Live in the moment.

Bantayan Island, Cebu City, Philippines, January 2019

Bantayan Island, Cebu City, Philippines, January 2019

And I did. I forgot how beautiful Philippines is. I went to the beach with a couple of my girlfriends. The sun hitting my face, sand between my toes, the smell of sunscreen - everything about it was truly memorable. I was living day by day with no plans. No agendas. Not setting up an alarm clock. Being a local.

Paradise Island, Cebu City, Philippines, January 2019

Paradise Island, Cebu City, Philippines, January 2019

And for the first time in a very long time, I was living in the moment.

I just want to give an appreciation post to these two. Trish and Frances, you guys made my Philippines trip so memorable. You have fed my soul in a way no one was able to do and have helped me survive all my blonde moments. I love you both!

My angel

My angel

Things were going so well until two unexpected things happened. First one being, I lost my Grandma, who is basically my whole world. I won’t get into any details but it did shake my faith a little, not gonna lie, but I also tried to be as positive as I can. I looked at it as a blessing, I was there. I held her hand. Nothing else mattered. I know she’s watching over me now and guiding me. Mahal kita, Nanay. I miss you every single day.

Second thing that happened, this guy. Told ya it was a trip to remember. Your girl fell inlove, hard. Again, its something I don’t planning on going into details (yet) but what I do have to say is, he pulled me out of the darkness and helped me find my purpose.

I know you’re gonna be reading this Mon Amour, thank you. For making me feel I am beyond loved. Every single day I wake up feeling blessed because I have you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.

Je t'aime Mon Amour.

Calgary, May 2019

Calgary, May 2019

And then reality hit me. I have to go back.

Do I want to? Yes and No.

Do I need to? Yes.

I had work. My family is here, this is my home now. Was I ready? I remember during my flight on the way to Calgary I was doing some reflections, I was trying to remember all the little details that happened. From the moment I stepped into the airport lounge to that slight relief of finding out I had decent seat mates during my flight. I felt like I was whole again. Yes I lost someone, but I also had this sense of fulfillment. I found my purpose again. I had this light inside of me that I know I’ve always had but somehow it got dull, after doing something that I had been so scared to do, I felt like that light is so bright again, I’m ready to put my best face forward and not question anything. I have decided to trust the flow of my life, I have my faith. I have people who loves me and supports me. What else do I need? I am content. I am complete.

Toronto, May 2019

Toronto, May 2019

Fast forward to now. Present Chanel in her house clothes, sipping some coffee trying to finish this post. I know I still have a long way to go, and probably a lot more challenges will come my way but I know I’m ready to take on whatever (I legit sound like an AD but we’ll go with it). I guess what I’m trying to say is no matter how dark life may get, you might lose your purpose like me, question everything that’s happening, there is truly, inevitably a light at the end of the tunnel. Trust life. Trust yourself, leave it all to God. Your friends, family and His blessing will guide you.

Toronto, May 2019

Toronto, May 2019

I’m excited to see what lies ahead. I can’t wait to put out amazing content and keep on blogging!

I have a feeling this is already a long post so I’m gonna end this here. Thank you for reading till the end :)

Until next time!

xx,

Chanel


other places to find me:

Instagram: @chaneleliza

Snapchat: @chaneleliza

Twitter: @ohheychanel

Tumblr: chaneltriestoblog.tumblr.com

Business Inquiries: chaneleliza@gmail.com